Untitled 16-2-07

This sea is too wide and vast to see beyond
All I want is to see your face before me
To hear your voice in the distant wind
And to feel your warm hand within mine
So please let me know if you feel the same
Because this sea is too big for just one
And I want to share every moment with you.

- 16/Feb/2007


----------


I was originally going to skip this one but I decided at the last minute to go ahead and post it, for two reasons:
1) the number of 2007 poems that I'm going to end up posting is already pretty low, and
2) it's somewhat unusual in the sense that I'm almost positive that I wrote this to a song but for the life of me, I can't remember what song it is. I'm tempted to say it's "Sakana" by Spitz even though initially I could have sworn it was an ELLEGARDEN song. But even when I listen to either of those songs I can't recall anything. Oh well. :(

Untitled 5-2-07

Carried on the wings of my emotions
Unable to tell where next I'll go
High or low, it's all the same in the end
When there's nothing left but the colours
Of the feelings you try to hide
But letting it all out feels so good
Nothing else can compare to this high
Nothing else can compensate for the low
In the end the colours blend together
A rainbow of emotion that carries me on.

- 5/Feb/2007

Stalling

I haven't been posting poems as often as before, partially because I've been really tired lately but mostly because I'm not sure what to post next. I'm reading through the 2007 poems trying to decide which ones I should bother posting and which ones I should just skip (though honestly I'm tempted to skip the majority of them). This usually ends with me sighing and just putting everything away for another day, haha. Oh well. I'll figure things out eventually.

Untitled 21-1-07

And so the cycle starts all over again
All the pain that I managed to hide
Comes crashing back, suffocating me
The lingering hope that stays with me
Yet the doubt that holds me back
I don't know how to make it all right
How else to make you want me more
Than you already say that you do
But how can I trust these words of yours
When your actions are so different
If this, us, was truly meant to be
Why is it so hard to even say yes
Even though it's all either of us wants
I want to hate you, to push you away
But I want you in my life, to see you
The best thing for us is to just part
And never cross each other's path again
This painful limbo will never be enough
Tearing my heart to pieces every time
That I see your face and hear your voice
But I'm willing to hold onto this torture
Because I don't want to let you go.

- 21/Jan/2007


----------


I noticed that I seem to have a dislike of punctuation, aside from the final period. Chalk it up to style, I guess?

Untitled 2-1-07

Cold raindrops on the surface of a puddle
Sending ripples through the broken calm
A reminder of how easily life is disrupted
By what we can expect but never control
No matter how likely the chances are
For clouds to block the struggling sun rays
There's always that inkling of positive doubt
That somehow the sun will break through
Past the grey prisons that hold it captive.

- 2/Jan/2007


----------


I think I was trying to write something less emotion-driven and more surrounding-inspired. It worked for all of maybe 4 lines and then it was all downhill from there.

Untitled 4-12-06

I want to believe that you're better than this
That the heart I saw for those brief moments
Is the true you, and not who I see before me now
Isn't it funny how we think we know one another
When all we do is masquerade an endless facade
Of what we think the other wants to see
Our human nature holds us back from the truth
The desire to be loved overrides our integrity
But deep inside I want you to lie to me more
Pretend that this angel is not truly tainted
Hiding your broken wings behind a crooked smile
I want to believe that the person I loved before
For that one miniscule drop in an ocean of time
Is the true you, and not a ripple in reality
And isn't it funny that even now I want your lies
I don't want to know the real you if all it means
Is letting go of this perfect dream in my heart
That I've built to cover up both our flaws
So close your eyes to the real me as I do you
Never letting our masks slip to reveal the truth.

- 4/Dec/2006


----------


Last poem from 2006!

This is my story.

The harsh reality of life is all too real to me. The bitter taste of loneliness, the sweet taste of revenge. My soul is empty tonight and my mind is wrought with torturous thoughts of enemies and friends alike, both who treat me the same. I am the epitome of pity, like the vagrant who you pass by in the street, who you see with eyes blind to his unfamiliar pain.

Alas, I tell you, my faithful and wretched reader, the time will come when retribution will hunt you down and have its way with you. It will hold your soul down, chain your body with cold shackles of torment, and rape you. Retribution shall be your kidnapper, your torturer and your executioner. Your screams will fall on deaf ears as your body writhes with the excruciating pain that retribution shall wreak upon you.

My only advice is that you seek not to incur the wrath of retribution upon yourself, for it is a horrid thing to endure. May your soul find its peace in the love of others.

I myself am a poor one, not only monetarily. I lack the basic qualities of a human being: compassion, love, pity. I lie here on the dark floor of emptiness, weeping and cursing the karma of the world. I am but a mere handmaiden, once a well-known courtesan. You do not know me, you cannot judge me. For though I lie in the arms of retribution tonight, the time will come when retribution will tire of the pleasure of my soul and I promise you, retribution will bend you and take you from behind.

How did I come to find myself in this position you ask? Listen well, and learn from my mistakes, wanderer. This is my story.


----------


Found this in a folder and decided to type it up and post it. It was supposed to be the intro for a story that I never wrote. There actually was more which was the beginning of the story itself but I chose to leave that out since it was unfinished (it was only about the same length as the intro). I must have written this like... 6+ years ago. o_O

Untitled 20-11-06

Even though this has ended so long ago
Never look back to what we lost
No regrets and no lingering resentment
Move forward with only hope for the future
Stifling the urge to step backward
Into the bleak void that we left behind.
And with these words I gather my courage
With these thoughts I prepare my spirit
To meet the challenges that await me
I am weak but I will prevail
I will conquer the demons that seek me out
I am afraid but I will not surrender
I will be triumphant in the end.

- 20/Nov/2006

Untitled 14-10-06

This person that you see before you
Won't be here to stay by your side forever
This person who isn't worthy of you
Will always bring tears to your eyes
This person fades and reappears
Heedless of the pain caused to you
So before I give you this ring
Let me change this person into someone else
Someone who will make you happy
And who won't look back to the past
And once I give you this ring
I hope you too will say yes.

- 14/Oct/2006


----------


I wrote this to ELLEGARDEN's "Yubiwa" (yubiwa means ring). Just looked up the lyrics to the song tonight; I can't believe in all these years I never thought to look them up.

Anyway, even though this poem isn't the greatest, I really like the sentiment of wanting to become a better person to be worthy of marrying your significant other.

Untitled 30-9-06

All the unspoken words between us
Lingering in the tense atmosphere
That has become so familiar, too familiar
What my gaze on you cannot comprehend
What my heart cannot communicate to yours
When did it become so hard, too hard
To just be together with each other
Is it all just a game to test our wills
Against tears that come so easily, too easily.
So slowly we turn from the one we love
A pause, a heartbeat, a lingering regret
Then walk away, each step so heavy, too heavy
Goodbye...

- 30/Sept/2006


----------


I must really like the phrase "lingering regret" because I used it in my latest poem without remembering that it was also in this one. I don't doubt that it's in a number of my other poems too. Then again, there are a lot of recurring images/cliches/phrases in my poems. *sigh*

Also, it seems like my inspiration ran dry in the middle of 2006, huh? Lots of those dry spells coming up, unfortunately (or fortunately, because it means that I'll get to my 2010 poems that much faster and with less suffering through the overly mushy ones).

"If Only..."

How quickly life passes us by
The grains in the hourglass almost gone
What it is to remember the people
Who have already left this world
We realise how lucky we are to still be here
Left only with the memories and regrets
But life's too short to only dwell
On what could've, should've been done
How things might've turned out differently
If only...

How quickly the sun disappears
Rays dipping low beyond the horizon
But even when only the darkness remains
It's hard to forget the brilliance
That lights our lives every day
We realise aren't we lucky to still be here
Left with the chance to make things right
To do what could, should be done
Because life's too short to keep on thinking
If only...

- 21/May/2006


----------


Wrote this when a friend's brother passed away. RIP.

Untitled 21-4-06

Waiting for the chance to finally see you
For the chance to make it to your heart
It's been so long since I last heard your voice
Even if it was only to tell me goodbye
Watching your back disappear from sight
As you walked out of the room, out of my life
Heart breaking into pieces as the tears fall
Knowing that it was my own insecurities
That pushed your heart far from my own
And now we stand here, face to face once more
With nothing to say, nothing left to do
But smile and wave goodbye to this
What never was, and never meant to be
How can you lose something that was never yours?

- 21/April/2006


----------


Bleh.

Transient motivation

I've been lacking in motivation lately to post my past poems, maybe because I've reached the point where they're all mushy and... I don't know... icky. I'm kind of excited about getting to my more recent poems though, enough that I'm contemplating just screwing the chronological order thing. But I'd rather not have to backtrack to these so I'm just going to go ahead with how I've been doing things thus far. On the bright side (if you can call it that), I'll probably skip a lot of the 2006/2007 poems because they suck more than usual, and then I didn't write very much in 2008/2009. So I should be caught up to 2010 in no time.

Reading fanfics on LiveJournal has become my hobby lately, and I've stumbled across so many great writers on LiveJournal. It really makes me want to write but I've never had the patience or the creativity to pull off a story, except maybe two (and even that is probably wishful thinking). I always started stories when I was younger, and I still have many of those drafts with me even today, but I never finished them. I had this bad habit of rewriting and reworking everything, and then eventually losing interest or losing motivation. It's just so frustrating to want to write something awesome and find that it's so ridiculously hard to actually put your images and emotions into words on paper.
Although it's a little different, when I was in undergrad and my friends would complain about having to write a paper but not being able to write anything good, I would always give them this advice: just write. It doesn't matter how bad it is, how stupid it sounds, how many grammatical errors or spelling mistakes you have, or how muddled your ideas are. Just write. You can always go back and tweak it; the more important thing is to just get something down.

Practice what you preach, huh.