"Lord, have mercy"

- 29/June/2010


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I decided not to even bother trying to get this formatted correctly and instead just took a screenshot of the poem. This was a nice experiment, and is meant to portray two different perspectives: one (on the left) is of someone who is about to commit (or has already committed) suicide while the other is of someone close to them who couldn't prevent it or even see it coming. In my mind, I hear two voices alternating as they pray and in the end joining as one, hence the plural in the last line.

"Envy"

One last stolen kiss placed upon your lips
Warmth slowly draining the pink away
I hold your fading body in my arms
And all I feel is envy for your strength
I wanted to follow wherever you lead me
But once again I faltered in my path
I could almost see the faint smile upon your lips
A fleeting hint of disappointment laced with understanding
And once again I feel that envy of your hope
An empty promise that kept you bound to me always
Even though we both knew that I would always fail you
I couldn't bring myself to follow you to the end
And now there are no tears, or even lingering regret
All I can feel is envy for your freedom.

- 6/June/2010


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Written to the GazettE's "CALM ENVY".

"Love Story"

An exchange of shy glances
My heart throbs anytime you come near
Gentle laughter that sets my heart aflight
Tingles that chase my nervousness
We spent so much time together
And wasted just as much apart
Never thinking this forbidden love could be
I finally gave into your smile
And a single whisper made me yours.

An exchange of heated sighs
Hands gliding across glistening skin
Your fingers playing a tune that only we can hear
Passion igniting a rain of kisses
Your breath hitches as you release into me
Riding on your pleasure I do the same
Never thinking this forbidden love could end
I wanted to always see your smile
But in a single moment it all fell apart.

An exchange of angry words
Voices battling to drown the other
Those tears that once betrayed my happiness
Gradually became tears that held my pain
You watched my back as I walked away
Our hearts breaking with the distance
And in the midst of it all there was relief
Never thinking this forbidden love could survive
A single choice was all it took to break.

- 14/May/2010


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Written to Yiruma's "River Flows In You" which is, btw, incredible.

I really like this particular poem which is evident seeing as I went ahead and posted it on my main blog way before now. I wrote it with a gay couple in mind but I like the fact that it's just as applicable to any forbidden or discouraged relationship. And look, it has a title!

Untitled 10-5-10

This nagging throbbing that leaves me breathless
A pain that reminds me of your face
The hot liquid that burns as I swallow
A feeling not unlike the love that I had for you
When your heart left mine behind
There was nothing else to turn to
And so I drank my despair away
But it was never enough to drown you out
I can still hear your laugh, smell your hair
And the tears won't stop flowing
Even now when only that throbbing remains
I'm only reminded of you.

- 10/May/2010


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I wrote this the first time I listened to Lee Seung Gi's "Love Taught Me to Drink". It's nothing amazing (not that any of my poems are) since I just wrote it off the top of my head without putting too much thought/effort into it.

Untitled 7-5-10

I shut myself in this room alone
Nothing but the reverberation of tears
Slowly, gradually, painstakingly
Each drop counts the seconds that tick by
How much longer before this pain ends?

Lost and confused by your words
I couldn't understand your thoughts
Was there a deeper meaning behind them
Or is this my mind tormenting me again?

The sadness that wells up from within
No one to blame for it but myself
Each ragged breath is a bittersweet reminder
That my despair still lingers here
When will this reality slip away from me?

- 7/May/2010


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Written to the GazettE's "Bath Room".

Untitled 27-4-10

Eyes unfocused, I stumble to the middle of the room
A momentary pause, a final contemplation
But my mind has already been made up
Ever since that pain became unbearable.
And I listen to the sound of the past
Shame being plucked across those strings
As my body convulses and twitches in vain
Last ditch effort to draw a final breath.
Those uncontrollable sobs that you couldn't soothe
All the scars you never tried to hide
It almost gave you pleasure to watch me writhe
Will your darkness be satiated with my death?

Reddened tears that drip to the floor
Gradual staccato that cannot be ignored.
Your sins that gently swing before you
Lingering hate that cannot be erased.

- 27/April/2010


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Written to the song "Nakigahara" by the GazettE, with some lines particularly inspired by the koto solos.

I just realised that this actually seems out of chronological order; however, I wrote this one in the midst of writing the previous poem, "Sexual Deviant". So technically, "Sexual Deviant" precedes this one although it's completion date comes after.
Not that it really matters.

"Sexual Deviant"

Ecstasy welling up from deep inside
Gasping, choking, struggling for breath
Your gaze only brings me closer to the edge
Even if your skin remains deathly chill.
I think I'm a man who yearns to be a woman
And yet I also like them both in one
Young and old, and everything in between
Let me witness your shamelessness.
I can turn both of our pain into pleasure
Humiliate yourself when you can no longer bear it
Yellow rivulets that mix with your tears
Empty bowels that build my excitement.
Dress me up in clothing that do not suit me
Those obscene whispers igniting my desire
Escalating with every click of the camera
Even a brush with death will drive me higher.
Scream as you shove me away and show me your hate
Every undulation against disgusted skin turns me on
I can't stop when convulsions break the surface
Fueling my twisted fascination with the perverse.

- 28/April/2010


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One of the few poems that I actually spent longer than one session writing. Usually I write a poem in one go, and it doesn't take that long, but this one I worked on over the course of a few days. Strangely enough, I was inspired after reading the Wiki entry on various paraphilias, heh. Basically, this poem incorporates a number of paraphilias or sexual fetishes, and so may seem a bit disjointed. I quite like it though.